I don’t really write too much about myself that often. More so this blog is just a platform to present the news and events that I see or hear on a daily/weekly basis that I find interesting, inspiring, and trendy. I’m not ashamed to tell my story in a more specific way but then again I am. I don’t know who reads these post, even though I get some really positive comments, part of me is still reserved to put too much of myself out there.
With the career path that I want to have, with the internet footprint that is eternal, and the way things can be manipulated against you for someone elses gain; lets just say its always made me reserved.
For lent (event though I don’t believe in one particular faith) I thought it would be good for me to give up this conservative nature for a more spontaneous one. Say and do what the fuck I feel. Now because I’m was raised right and am a good mannered person by nature it’s not like I’m going to start saying and doing stupid shit. At the least this gives me an opportunity to not rely on the comfort and safety of a routine.
So be shocked if in the next 30ish days I start to seem a little more opinionated vent a little more, or seem down right random in these post.
I must start by saying that paying it forward does have its reward. I did something nice for a friends and literally the next day I got the same thing in return but times 2.
I was reading some of the comics from xkcd http://xkcd.com/ and one in particular stood out to me.
Guy 1- You should be more careful what you write. You never know when a future employer might read it
Guy 2 (who is typing on the computer)- When did we forget our dreams?
Guy 1- What?
Guy 2- ”The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I’m sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops. Reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.
And no, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one things: The solution doesn’t involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn’t involve tempering my life to better fit someones expectations. It doesn’t involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up.
This is very important s oI want to say it as clearly as I can:
FUCK THAT SHIT”
(in the footnotes: In Connor’s second thesis it is stated ‘there is no fate but what we make for ourselves. ‘Does the routine destroy our creativity or do we lose creativity and fall into the routine?)
I feel that way sometimes about my life. I’ve giving up one routine after another in hopes of finding something better but still have way too much room to complain than I do to grow. I’ve allowed myself to grow old in mind and in youthful spirit for the pursuit of a system. What I mean is, money is controlling my life in more ways than anything else. I didn’t use to be this way.
I am a different person when I’m in the United States than when I’m not. I become more with nature, more excited about introducing myself to other people and them introducing themselves to me. Experience over weighs everything, and I try anything and everything without fear because I don’t want time to pass me by and me not to remember the details.
For a more specific example: I probably drank more and used more drugs than anytime ever in life -Granted now I can honestly say I don’t miss it but those were a medium to so many relationships that I truly do cherish to this day. No it wasn’t the foundation or the most dynamic part of the relationships but it played an intriguing part of opening myself up to the people and vice versa. I swear I found apart of myself and experienced life in a way I never have before when I tried the ceremonial drugs San Pedro cactus http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echinopsis_pachanoi & Ayahuasca http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iowaska.
The people who were involved in that ceremony I know share an unbreakable bond with. Sometimes I wish that all my connections can be as powerful as that. That I can walk down the street and see another black person as my brother and not someone who not on my level because I’ll see 20 more people like him who have dreadlocks, polo boots on, and is saggin at an excessive level. I make myself look at the world me vs them when I do that and puts me in a mold where only my opinion is validated not by application but because I am my own audience.
Sometime I battle with if I should live outside of the US forever. I mean I would come back to visit but my permanent residence be in another country where I can be anonymous to be me and free of all American values (good and bad).
To often I feel like Guy 2 and just want to say FUCK THIS SHIT.
More so than anything else, I stranger will stop me to tell me what I already know. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Kanye West”- That shit is so irritating, and with the warmer weather and more people outside I get it more often than ever. On average it’s about 20 people a week who stop me (or go out their way)to tell me that, despite me having on my work badge from a prestigious university, despite me wearing business attire, despite everything I am and all my accomplishments. I’m recognized by someone else and not me. None of that means shit when the only acknowledgement (outside of this blog of course) is that I look like someone else. What kind shit is that? Really?
That is the main reason I keep noise canceling headphones on, so I don’t actually have to hear the person say that I just read their lips and either give them a blank stare or nod. Sometimes I start speaking Spanish and they get the picture, other times I’ve had to say well I’m not I’m Reggie and if your interested in what Reggie looks like then we can talk… I can’t seem to formulate a response that turns into a worthwhile conversation… (I could use some suggestions cause I probably come across as an assholes with the current ones). Because this is a routine that I want to change since its unavoidable.
Another routine I want to calm down on. I masturbate all the fucking time now. I’m not addicted to porn but its been 7 months since I’ve had sex ( I had to find someone to have sex with on my birthday; come on now whats life without birthday sex; meaningless) and 10 months since my last relationship ended. I’m the type of guy (Beware this may sound strange) who prefers having sex solely within relationships. I’ve kept one night stands and casual sex partners to a bare minimum.
In fact my homeboy asked on Twitter how many people have you had sex with? He was trying to get a survey of what constitutes a whore. Which got me thinking; and my number came to a shock to people who know me (and know how many cute women friends I have) as being 10. I been having sex since I was 16 and I’m 25 now. That may be low for most men but I was in 4 serious relationships back to back to back to back which spanned 7 of those years.
Anyway, so porn http://www.pornhub.com/ , Jergens and Lubriderm have been my best friends mainly because I been in my current city for about 8 months now and meeting decent people here is hard. I swear all the cute women are taken, have children, are lesbians, or to young. The left overs after that are look like shit or have no common ground. I’m protective of my body I can’t just fuck with or fuck anyone…
So I have spiratically given some dating websites a try. I’ve tried plenty of fish http://www.plentyoffish.com/, black singles (this site sucks I’m not wasting my time linking this shit), and okcupid http://www.okcupid.com/. That shit is weak. I’ve only had the nerve to meet one of the women from these sites and though the 2 dates we went one were cool. The chicks pictures were deceiving and I just wasn’t really attracted to her. And though I will date any race (last woman I dated was white, last one I was in an actual relationship was mixed blk/wht, one before that was Arab) the only women who talk to me with frequency is white women. I can honestly say that I’m not naturally attracted to them, so they have to be special…Maybe my flaw is that I am looking for someone who is flawless
On another note, I’m watching Real Time with Bill Mahr (love this show). He has some of the best political commentary on television. Yeah he is very liberal but he mixes it quite well with the conservatives he brings on the panels. Plus he doesn’t have to water down his content since he is on HBO http://www.hbo.com/real-time-with-bill-maher/index.html. I just want to know how in the fuck can I be a guest fuck being in the audience or even better get my own show like this so I can get on their and ask questions that no one is asking and talk about shit no one wants to talk about.
I say that because the past two years I have been more determined than ever. So I do feel that I can get myself in the right place to get things done on an elevated level but at the same time, I day-dream to fucking much and maybe hosting a political show is too much and this blog will have to suffice.
I’m really glad that I am receiving more viewership. No freaking subscriptions yet but more people are viewing this shit and liking it. Took longer than expected to achieve certain milestones like averaging a minimum of 25 views a day and getting a certain amount of comments that aren’t spam but slowly but surely shit is coming along and the process has been fun.
5 Random Facts
1-I played basketball with a bunch of Chinese and White boys and annihilated all of them. But I’m so sore cause I haven’t played in like 3 months.
2- I’m currently listening to Brother Ali-Rainwater “At times you gotta kick your way through this bitch”
3-I’m wearing the most comfortable Scooby Doo nightware pants. It feels like silk but its cotton
4-I watched the Movies the Mack and Ghost in the Shell today
5-I didn’t spend any money today ( I wanted to go to this Chinese Buffet so bad. I’m a fat kid trapped in a skinny body)
Time to stay creative can’t sit on my ass and expect not to be last…
p.s. I didn’t proof read this, I’m going to sleep.